2020 Gratitude: Time for Self-Reflection

I will be honest here – one of my family members passed away from Covid-19 over the weekend, so it feels weird to write another “gratitude” post about things when there are very clearly other things in life that I want to show gratitude for right now. This time around, I’m grateful, simply, for time.

image from unsplash.com

I can’t stress enough how lucky I’ve felt throughout the entire pandemic. I’ve had a stable job that allows me to work safely from home and gives me a steady income. My partner has the same. We’ve both been healthy and the worst we’ve suffered from is a cold, though usually it’s just boredom. We’re in the very, very fortunate minority here, and I never take that for granted!

I’ve used the seemingly endless hours at home to think about what’s truly important to me. How do I want to spend my time? Where do I want my money to go? Who do I want to keep in touch with? What makes me feel good? What doesn’t? Why do I do the things I do? Why am I the way I am?

This time last year, my life was extremely busy. I was working a full time job, training for a marathon, practicing improv, and using my precious spare moments to catch up on Netflix, or go out to concerts, bars, or travel. Looking back, I never really had time to think about where my life was going – it was a blur. I’d look forward to my next race or my next show, but as soon as it finished, I’d only let myself rest for a little bit before going on to the next goal. I dozed away at my desk every day, wishing that I could just work remotely and/or be a hermit for just a week to relax a little. (Imagine!)

While I don’t have any great answers to any of the questions I’ve posed above yet – I honestly don’t think I can fully answer them until things go “back to normal” anyway – it is genuinely nice to have the time carved out for me to really reflect on them. This downtime is especially important now, as I approach my late (!) twenties and anticipate some big life decisions in the not-so-distant future.

I’ve written a lot on my blog already about why I prioritize my mental health and the things that I’ve been able to do in quarantine. Though it seems like I’ve been going at a mile-a-minute to fill every waking hour with things and stuff, I also want to remember this period as a time of reflection and re-prioritization. I want to look back and say that I used my time wisely and learned as much about myself as I possibly could – because who knows if I’ll ever have a chance to slow down like this again? (As nice as this has been for me mentally, I truly hope we don’t ever have to do this again! Please!)

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