Energy Shifts

When my daughter was 6 months old, I ran my first postpartum half marathon. It was the worst that I’ve ever run in every way – my body felt terrible, the mental wall felt extra tall, and my time was the worst that I’ve ever run. I swore that I wouldn’t sign up for any more races in 2025, and I (mostly*) kept that promise.

(* Mostly because I had also signed up for a local 5K a few weeks after the half marathon, which went… fine! It’s a lot easier to take an L on a 5K that starts 10 minutes away from your apartment!)

I spent the rest of 2025 falling into a groove, juggling parenthood and work with physical activity. It was nice to pepper different types of exercise into my routine, especially swimming. I took two sessions worth of lessons and improved a lot (to be fair, the bar was low)! I focused on lifting weights! I went to PT for my decade-long hip and back pain!

I never strayed too far from road running, especially because my husband and many of my friends are still avid runners, and I would be lying if I said I didn’t feel the pull to sign up for another race myself when cheering them on. Despite this, I stayed strong! Steadfast! I didn’t sign up for any more races in 2025!

At the end of 2025, I finally pulled the trigger and signed up for my next road race – a half marathon in November 2026. A few weeks later, I signed up for another dream race – my first triathlon in September 2026.

I’m proud that I gave myself a long runway to get back into shape – physically and mentally – because I know I’ll need it. I’m proud of myself for throwing my hat back into the ring and not giving up on something that, before having a child, brought me so much joy. Beyond being proud, I’m excited!

And beyond being excited, I’m… terrified!

So much has changed since having a kid, and I’m worried about what the next few months will look like. I know I can run a half marathon, and I know that I can finish a triathlon – I am less worried about the outcomes and more about the journeys to get there.

Currently, I leave work some days feeling so drained that, by the time I get home, I have just enough energy to play with my baby girl for an hour or two before collapsing on the couch – so where am I going to find the energy to train? My husband also has a busy training schedule, and I’m not looking forward to the extra coordination around who will watch baby while the other trains. The pool at our gym is constantly busy and I have no idea when I’ll be able to get down there at all, let alone how to make the most of my time there.

Most of all, I’m worried about feeling guilty about giving up time with her to pursue my own goals. Right now, I want to spend every waking moment with her, and the idea of using my free time to do anything else feels… wasteful. I want to soak in every evening at the library and every afternoon at the playground because I know I won’t have them forever, but I don’t want to do so at the expense of my own personal hopes and dreams.

I know that I will have to rip the band-aid off these worries very soon, but for now, I’m doing my best to enjoy the hell out of every cuddle and story time with her (even if I’m half asleep)!

Thoughts During My Final 2 Hours of Being 32

It’s been so difficult for me to get my laptop out and write a blog post after many, many hours of sitting in front of my laptop all day at work.
… but I miss having the creative outlet, so I’m forcing myself to do it right now.
I’ve had a rough last couple of days/weeks/months/year and a half, but am currently feeling like I have high energy and high spirits, so gosh darn it, I’m gonna let it ride.
I’ve been reading a lot more over the last two years, and it’s made me yearn to write again. I’ve read funny books, insightful books, bad books, smutty??? books, and they’ve all made me feel all sorts of things (all sorts). Whenever I finish one, I think, I wish I wrote that. Even the bad ones!
My main creative block has already been ideas – once I have a great idea, I could write forever. I’d look forward to opening my laptop at the end of a long day! However, without a great hook to sink my teeth into (wait, does that metaphor work?), I find myself just staring blankly at the screen.
For a long time, I figured that my issue was that I wasn’t reading enough. I knew I had to get into the heads of other writers to get my creative juices flowing, but could never find the motivation/time/energy. Now, with the help of audiobooks and a growing distaste for screens, I’m reading again! I’m happy about it! … but unfortunately, that happiness has not come with any additional ideas for what to write.
Now, I am wondering if the ideas will just come to me if I really commit to writing. So I’ll just write! In bullet points, like I have a Tumblr again, if I have to!
Could this be a… new year’s resolution?

New Years Resolutions, 2026

Spoiler alert: blogging more is not on my list, because what am I trying to prove? (I’ll keep the custom URL though!)

Debería Tirar Más Fotos

I never loved taking pictures or having my picture taken. I had always chalked this up to negative body image and an overwhelming desire to be (or appear?) in the moment at all times, but I also never had any reason to change this behavior… until, suddenly, I did. As I scrolled through my many, many baby pictures, I realized that there’s a chance that she would be interested in what her parents looked like around the same time. Imagine that!

While I still don’t have the same urge to capture the moment that (it feels like) other people have, I want to make it a priority over the next year, and carry it in through the rest of my life. I want to preserve as much as this time as possible for my daughter when she gets older, and would hate for my insecurities to prevent that.

Side note: I have become a big old softy since becoming a mother, and I’m not ashamed to admit that this song makes me tear up! I will make sure to give her more kisses and hugs while I can!

Debería Salir Más Con Mis Amigos

It is so easy to stay home all day when you have a small child. So, so easy.

One of the biggest things that I learned from the newborn trenches was the importance of adult human interaction. I realized that I wanted my daughter to have a loving community of family friends around her, but did not realize that I still had to put in the work to cultivate those relationships in order to keep them strong and consistent. Duh!

Another side note: I also wanted an excuse to eat out at nice restaurants and have a cocktail once in a while – is that too much to ask??

Debería Hacer un Triatlón

I spent half of 2025 in swimming lessons. In the short term, I wanted to be comfortable enough to swim laps in the pool; in the long term, I would like to be comfortable enough to swim in open water so that I can do a triathlon.

The triathlon has felt like a natural progression for my fitness journey. Road running has become tough on my feet, but I still crave the structure of a training plan, as well as the accomplishment (and muscle fatigue) of endurance sport. Several of my friends did triathlons in 2025, and I was, frankly, jealous!

I will be doing a “starter” triathlon – completely in a gym and time-bound – this weekend, and am excited to see how it makes me feel. If that goes well, I’d love to progress to something longer and outdoors!

Side note part 3: Comfort in open water is also a prerequisite for being a contestant on Survivor – just saying!

Debería Manejar Más

Though I have had a driver’s license for half of my life, I have never had to drive anywhere on a regular basis, and therefore am still very uncomfortable with driving. I made some progress in the last few months, including driving to meetups and my swimming lessons, and would like to continue into the new year.

While I enjoy taking public transportation, I do recognize that my daughter will inevitably want to go to places and participate in activities that require driving, and I want to be comfortable enough to do that with her when the time comes.

One last side note: my next big hurdle is taking the highway – wish me luck!