2020 Gratitude: Time for Self-Reflection

I will be honest here – one of my family members passed away from Covid-19 over the weekend, so it feels weird to write another “gratitude” post about things when there are very clearly other things in life that I want to show gratitude for right now. This time around, I’m grateful, simply, for time.

image from unsplash.com

I can’t stress enough how lucky I’ve felt throughout the entire pandemic. I’ve had a stable job that allows me to work safely from home and gives me a steady income. My partner has the same. We’ve both been healthy and the worst we’ve suffered from is a cold, though usually it’s just boredom. We’re in the very, very fortunate minority here, and I never take that for granted!

I’ve used the seemingly endless hours at home to think about what’s truly important to me. How do I want to spend my time? Where do I want my money to go? Who do I want to keep in touch with? What makes me feel good? What doesn’t? Why do I do the things I do? Why am I the way I am?

This time last year, my life was extremely busy. I was working a full time job, training for a marathon, practicing improv, and using my precious spare moments to catch up on Netflix, or go out to concerts, bars, or travel. Looking back, I never really had time to think about where my life was going – it was a blur. I’d look forward to my next race or my next show, but as soon as it finished, I’d only let myself rest for a little bit before going on to the next goal. I dozed away at my desk every day, wishing that I could just work remotely and/or be a hermit for just a week to relax a little. (Imagine!)

While I don’t have any great answers to any of the questions I’ve posed above yet – I honestly don’t think I can fully answer them until things go “back to normal” anyway – it is genuinely nice to have the time carved out for me to really reflect on them. This downtime is especially important now, as I approach my late (!) twenties and anticipate some big life decisions in the not-so-distant future.

I’ve written a lot on my blog already about why I prioritize my mental health and the things that I’ve been able to do in quarantine. Though it seems like I’ve been going at a mile-a-minute to fill every waking hour with things and stuff, I also want to remember this period as a time of reflection and re-prioritization. I want to look back and say that I used my time wisely and learned as much about myself as I possibly could – because who knows if I’ll ever have a chance to slow down like this again? (As nice as this has been for me mentally, I truly hope we don’t ever have to do this again! Please!)

2020 Gratitude: Flight Club

image from bostonseaport.xyz

This one feels like a bit of a stretch because I only went once this year, all the way back in February. It was my last day in Boston before leaving for Japan, and we were celebrating my coworkers last day in America before moving back home to Asia. It was a crowded and fun night full of foods, drinks, and friendly competition.

(I learned that night that I am horrible at darts! You might think that it was because of the alcohol, but alas, no! I was bad from the beginning! I was still bad after several drinks! I never got better!)

For me, that night at Flight Club represents the last time I was able to enjoy “normal life” at home. After that night, I went off to Japan, where my worries about Covid-19 became more apparent and imminent on an every day basis. When we came back, lockdowns were announced at home, and we’ve been self-isolating ever since.

image from bostonmagazine.com

Though my score that night was terrible, I think back to that night with fondness. For one, I haven’t seen almost all of my coworkers in person since that night – which is very hard for me to believe! We picked finger foods off of shared plates (including the cotton candy pictured above), took sips of each other’s cocktails, and handed each other darts between turns without a second thought. Nobody was wearing masks, not even the servers, who often had to squeeze between us because the music was playing too loud for us to hear their “Excuse me”s!

Truly, it feels like a completely different world from the one we’re living in right now. If only I had known at the time…

2020 Gratitude: The Bachelor/ette

If you had told me a year ago – literally one year ago, probably up until New Years Eve 2019 – that I would be die-hard into The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, I would have said you were crazy! 2020 was a new year for me!

Though I had been in love with Survivor for a few years now, I never really branched out into other types of reality shows. I had especially thought that The Bachelor and The Bachelorette were not for me – they’re all vapid and fake! The drama is fake! Who really falls in love on TV? What’s the point?

In the new year, however, I was introduced to a new group of friends that I was excited to bond with. When one suggested a fantasy league for the upcoming season of The Bachelor, I put my prejudices aside for the shared experience. I chose women completely at random and tuned in every week with low expectations.

Little by little, I was sucked in. I thought that I was above petty drama and female cattiness, but it turns out, I’m not! I absolutely love it! I love getting angry at the imagined drama between beautiful women in expensive ball gowns! I love gasping and screaming at my TV whenever Peter makes another bad decision! I love watching people’s hearts break on national television!

The end of the most recent season of The Bachelor happened to coincide with the beginning of quarantine, when I was especially ravenous for more media to fill my time. I spent this past summer watching the Greatest of All Time season recaps and have started to put on old seasons as background noise while I’m working (just like I did with Survivor a few years ago).

While the original friendships that inspired my new obsession fizzled out very quickly, my obsession with the franchise definitely did not. I found out that some of my existing friends were already avid watchers, so I continued to connect with them over what happened on last week’s episode, who got eliminated, what happened on the dates, even stupid memes. We even have a fantasy league for the current season of The Bachelorette, and listen to episode recap podcasts together.

Like many of my other quarantine obsessions, this show has given me the double whammy of routine – tuning in on Tuesday nights has become familiar at this point – as well as connection to others. Yeah, it’s a silly show, but who cares? Not everything in life has to be serious!

Who is my winner pick for this season, you ask?