I had a baby girl two years ago and she’s my entire world and she’s my everything and I want to spend every waking moment of my like rolling around on the floor with her and I barely have waking moments because our sleep schedules do not align in any way
I got diagnosed with gestational diabetes two and a half years ago and got diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and started taking a GLP-1 one year ago and I haven’t felt in control of my appetite or blood sugar or body in what feels like forever and when I don’t eat enough, I can’t control my mood and when I eat too much, I can’t control my sleep and it feels impossible to eat the exact right amount
I try so hard every night and I try so hard every night and I try so hard every night but I can’t get to sleep and I can’t sleep a full night without tossing and turning and I can’t wake up fully rested and I can’t get out of bed without letting an hour of snoozed alarms pass and I just want to have pleasant, slow mornings with my daughter but my body won’t let me and I feel horrible about it
I signed up for my first triathlon this year and I was so excited for it but struggled with finding the time to train and felt exhausted and definitely wasn’t eating enough and never got fully comfortable in open water so I panicked at the race at the beginning of the swim and I finished it but barely and I was so ashamed (so ashamed) and even thinking of it now makes me want to cry and I still run the slowest out of all of my running friends and I still love running and I still have doubts about calling myself a runner and I wish I had more time to train but I can’t help but feel guilty when I do because
I spend most of my free time at home with my daughter and I miss going out with my friends but if I spend a night away from her I feel guilty for not being with her so I don’t and I feel my adult friendships slipping, slipping, slipping away and even when I do meet up with friends, all I can talk about is her and even when I do reach out to friends, all I can talk about is her and I can’t even talk about shows or movies or memes because I don’t have time for them because of her and I’m not angry about that but I am lonely and I don’t know what to do about it
I don’t know what to do about any of it
