For better or for worse, I don’t have a ton of super strong connections with other people in my life. I keep in touch with my mom and have friends that I enjoy hanging out with, but if I had the choice, I’d spend most of my time either by myself or with my fiance.
A good trait that I’ve learned from this mindset is that I no longer rely on other people for my own happiness. There are a lot of instances in my life where I’ve expected people to do or say one thing, and they went around and did the opposite, and I was left to wallow in my disappointment. It took a lot of time to realize that other people are really free to do whatever they want and have no obligation to do what I, specifically, want them to do. When I internalized that, I found myself free to live my own life and create my own happiness, and I would love to pass that lesson of independence on to the other people in my life.
On the other hand, a bad trait that I’ve learned from this mindset is that I don’t rely on anyone for… anything. And I feel like it’s made my relationships pretty shallow and forces me to internalize a lot of my thoughts and feelings. While I’m off “creating my own happiness,” it often feels like the people around me are creating their happiness together. I often struggle with the concept that “my happiness” and “other people’s happiness” don’t always have to be at odds. I’d want those around me to know that there is a balance to strike between independence and building community. I’m still learning how to do this!
Finally, I wrote all of the above before realizing the biggest thing that I want the people around me to learn: the importance of communication! I currently work in customer service, where my “style” is to keep everyone updated on as many details as possible at all times to reduce confusion and, often, foster confidence. I try to bring this mentality into my personal life as well, but it doesn’t always work out! Making plans is still difficult! I’m trying!!!
Trisha Serquina 